REBUTTAL : edited 11:48 16/04/12
This post is conflating the notion of being in the ‘friend zone’ and being a jackass who thinks they are entitled to something. It was a reply itself to something but really I’m just responding to the broken logic in the previous post. Outside of the quoted bits I stopped from digging further.
Also since when was being in the friend zone an excessively male thing?
In the 80s and 90s I knew far more women who got stuck in the freind zone then men. It was more often the kind of cute language women and nerds like me used, than your average red blooded guy. So fuck the urban dictionary, its fun but it’s not authoritative.
Factioud analogy cut in favour of core case - Being in a state of avaricious attraction over a prospective partner and rejected as a mate but kept as a friend is not itself sexist. How could it be! it’s a situation, not an intent or even action yet!
It’s kind of sad but buck up, lots of fish in the sea. And if he’s being creepy just tell him to fuck off, don’t whip out the University degree. Good lord what are you trying to do to the language! back off! back, easy. I mean common!
Calling it the freind-zone was always a playful use of language, not in of itself irrevocably tied to brooding self entitled BS from males, or females for that mater.
We have a variety of responses to failing to win the affection of our desired. I’ve sat with women trash talking boys who have spurned them, the ladies are no more high minded than the boys sometimes. When we’re hurt we all get stupid.
If you want to call being a crabby self entitled bastard sexist, well ok. Sure though really, it might be just more you-ist.
But it’s also not automatically part of the friend zone phenomenon. The friend zone is JUST being that admiring suitor whose offerings are welcomed but admiration not returned. How the spurned deal with it is not part of the friend zone by default. I know it might seem nerdy to be so specific but really it’s an important thing to have both specific and liberal language.
As for the offending parts. We shale cut them.
The undesirably entitled behaviour of some spurned can be a problem. They are a partial consequence of their individual personalty and not the exclusive actions of one gender or another.
But in the case of “gentle people” it need not involve sexiest BS. Venting has it’s boundaries, entitlement is bullshit. We all agree it’s unwelcome.
Why split the hairs? Because this is how more subtle things like a). being stuck in the freind zone and b). how you handle it as a mature adult get simplified to the point that young boys come up with the notion that they are supposed to be sulky hopeless bastards and never grow the fuck up. Yes, we do have to spell it out. You are not. No. Stop it.
Teach how to deal with rejection. Say things like DO NOT keep offering yourself to those who have said no, move on. If it did not mean never they will let you know chum. Otherwise move along, so it goes.
Why? Look, first you are doing yourself a favour in many ways. Lest of which you know, NOT being a stalker and all that.
Second, yes it’s self entitled to think you own anyone, in all your relationships.
With other genders that can even be perceived to be sexist sometimes, though it’s torchering the concept a bit.
How long? In most cases in my experience a some kind of liberally conservative [as in a lot] amount of time should pass, so long as things are awkward. before any re-friending should occur. Just my take on it but seems like a good formula from experience.
And if they say “leave me alone” then turn around and go the other way. Seriously. You are not in the freind zone. 10-4?
Do not resent them for saying no. Take notes, take some time to think constructively, be mindful. And work on finding someone who likes you, offerings or not. Offerings don’t win engagements. Just interviews?
And most of all, keep the notion of being “friended” [another version of freind-zoned] and being a sulky bastard separate.
Two different ideas so you can deal with each discreetly and not conflate them. One an unfortunate situation, the other the wrong way to respond. Seems fair no?
And please, there is nothing sexist about feeling hurt and resentful about rejection.
How one expresses that is more the point.
If you do so aggressively,
feel entitled to do so because of your gender or theirs,
then it’s sexist buddy.
Everyone’s heard of friendzoning – even if they don’t know the word, they sure as hell know the concept. It’s what happens time and again to unfortunate Nice Guys who, despite being nothing but sugar and spice to the girls they love, are nonetheless denied the sexual relationships they so…